Amusement: Letter to Proctor & Gamble

I received this as a forward in an email at work. I had a good chuckle and thought it would be funny to share. Enjoy!

This is an actual letter from an Austin,Texas woman sent to the American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter:

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you ****ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Bold Floral Bella

It's Spring!!! Well, for some people like myself anyway. Living in Vancouver, B.C., I get fairly mild weather so it's been around 10 degrees celcius (thats 50 degrees farenheit) and we haven't received any snow in the last little while. Woohoo! I love the simplicity in this card... Sometimes pattern paper does all the "wow" work for you. I added some dimension to it by cutting out the flowers from the pattterned paper and added them with pop dots to the base of the card. The other extra I did was outlining some of the flowers with my Sakura glitter pen. Thanks for stopping by.

Supplies: Stamps - Stamping Bella Parisbella, TAC sentiment, Polka Dots & Paisley by Stampin Up. Paper - Bazzill cardstock, Pebbles Inc patterned paper. Accessories - Copic markers, Sakura glitter pen, grosgrain ribbon, Doodlebug brads.

Valentine's cards

Though I’m late to post these, I still wanted to share the monkey image from Great Impressions. This was my only stamp I bought from their February SOTM, but it has become one of my favorite Valentine’s, love, lust, cutesy stamps. It’s pretty straightforward with what I did on the cards, so I am just going to post the supplies that I used (gotta give the companies credit, right?).

The first card is the one I gave to the Creator of Seymour (reference previous post). I based the card around the sketch Amy posted on her blog. Her original post is here.

Supplies: Stamps – Great Impressions, Stampendous, Stampin Up. Paper - Bazzill cs, Stampin Up pp. Accessories – Michael’s ribbon, Doodlebug brads, paper piercer, Copic markers.

Supplies: Stamps – Great Impressions, Stampin Up. Paper – Bazzill cs, KI Memories pp. Accessories – Creative Imaginations brads, Prismacolor Pencils with OMS, Stickles glitter glue, circle punches, decorative scissors

Valentine's Present

Lookie what I got for Valentine's Day!

My handmade sock monkey's name is Seymour, the slightly retarded monkey. During his early years, Seymour climbed the highest branch of the banana tree, hoping to get the biggest banana there could be. Unfortunately, he had a great big fall and has never been the same since. Oh poor Seymour. Some may say he's ugly, but I find him terribly cute and endearing.

The card beside Seymour is suppose to say "trouble," which has become a common name for me recently. I say I'm innocent!

Just Johanna and some significant events to share.

Hi, it's me! How did it become the 19th of February so fast? I was sitting here the other day thinking that it had only been a week since my last update, but realistically, it's been 2.5 weeks. Oops.

To bring you up to date with me in the crafting world, I wanted to highlight some of the more "major" events that happened the past few months. I took a Stampendous class at one of the LSS back in November and had the pleasure of meeting Kimberely McCausland. Dunno who that is?

She's the cutie on the left in the picture (that I so kindly borrowed from Taylor's blog *wink*) She totally has a spunky personality but if I remember correctly, she had a cold or something that made her lose her voice so she didn't talk that much.

In December, I finally put in my stamp order from Just Johanna. Remember I received the complimentary 25% off my total from being a winner on WCMD? That was super exciting as Johanna's orders always come nicely wrapped and with sample cards. Loved getting the package in the mail, but totally forgot to take a picture as all I wanted to do was tear into it! It was just this past month that I finally got to inking some images and putting cards together.

(Credits for supplies to come...)

In early January, I went to PE's Quickutz Crew Soireé event. This would have been the second one I attended. Have I mentioned it before? It's where a bunch of QK enthusiasts get together and are able to chat, shop, munch and take away a few make and take's. Can you pick me out in the group photo?

This has got to be one of the most unflattering photos of me, but look it's me hard at work on a project, reaching over the table.